Do you ever feel like you get your best thoughts in the shower or while driving? When your mind is focused on another task, it’s like space opens up for the juicy stuff to get in. In the midst of running through an endless to do list in my mind, somehow the big, bold ideas creep in. If you’re sitting there shaking your head and wondering if I’m looney, then maybe skip this series on the blog. If not, stick around - maybe my wild ideas might resonate.
I think I’ve always been this way, but maybe it ramped up when Ranna joined the team and I finally had someone to talk to throughout the day (ha)! I always seem to get my best ideas when I’m in the shower, driving, needlepointing, washing the dishes, or just doing any ordinary task. Ranna always knows when these things occur because I’ll come into the office, hair drenching the floor, eyes wide, with a big smile on my face saying “oh my gosh, guess what I just thought of?” It’s now a running joke, and we call these “big ideas” Shower Thoughts™. So welcome to a new blog series that lives on no schedule and may come with no filter, written entirely by me (full disclosure, I have a team who helps write our blog these days so the posts in this particular series will all come directly from me, Mary Frances Maker - straight from the horse's mouth so to speak). Just my musings on life running wild. Settle in.
Disclaimer, these big ideas only really happen when I get uninterrupted showers, not the ones where a three year old is playing magnatiles outside my curtain chattering on to me about the house she’s building. Those are the quick and dirty showers. Moms know what I’m talking about.
Well, this morning during my biweekly shower (my husband jokes I only shower twice a week, and honestly, he may be right. It’s better for the hair, no?), I was reminiscing on a recent work trip I joined Hobbs on. When we were at the cocktail portion of the evening, many of the women were oogling one of Hobbs’ young coworker’s designer bag. The coworker said that whenever she gets a work bonus, she takes a portion of the bonus to treat herself to something she’s really wanted and saves the rest. I, personally, love this mindset. Every time she looks at or wears that designer bag, she’s reminded of the hard work she’s put in at her job that’s getting her to where she wants to go. She makes her own damn money and she spends it how she pleases. Can I get a hell yes?
I heard a few women murmur how they wish they could buy that bag or that their significant other would buy it for them. Now, I’m not so obtuse that I don’t recognize that every relationship is different, and that every person brings something different to the table in their relationships. But, if there’s one thing yall will allow me to say without biting my head off, might I suggest just buying the damn bag/jewelry/dress/what have you yourself? Or, if that feels a bit too bold, then just asking directly for exactly what you want the next time an occasion arises (ie a birthday or anniversary) instead of shying away and feeling like you don’t deserve it? Because here’s the real truth: you do deserve it. Whether you are the one bringing in the income, contributing to the income, or keeping the house literally afloat, you deserve to feel excited and worthy and reminded of the hard work you put in day in and day out. I believe I’ve mentioned this in a previous blog post about expectations, but I’ll say it again because it warrants repeating. If you never say what you want out loud to the person you want it from, they will never know. They cannot read your mind. My husband and I made a sort of unspoken (or maybe it was spoken?) rule about gifts a few years ago that if there is something specific we want, we will share it with the other person. Sometimes we share a few options so there’s still an element of surprise. But truthfully, I’d rather live with a little less surprise than a lot more disappointment.
Now during this oogling of the designer bag, I was fairly silent. Hobbs scooted over to me and said in my ear, “I love how you’re not contributing.” I smiled at him and said “Because you know very well that if I wanted a designer bag, I wouldn’t ask you for permission to get it.” He laughed. He knows the woman he married, and he knows all too well how true that statement is. I see it so often how women feel like we need permission to do things, to want things. So here it is, your permission - to desire something and feel worthy of getting it. Buy the damn jewelry. You deserve it.
